Grief is Complicated- 6/23/21

Was listening to a song and thought it would be perfect to direct a music video for and perform it. Didn’t realize until a moment later it would be perfect for a “future” movie project, which will surprise some of you…. 🙂

Sometimes we “grieve” over what we went thought. Sometimes we grieve over the past or things that were definite hurdles. I believe with all my heart we have limits to our bodies because we are strong and able bodied but after the fall we must know that there needs to be a glory or worship that is not in us.

We were made for something great and that first thing was to worship or give glory to God.

I think we were made for a great purpose! We all need to know that.

Mine had happened quite some time ago. But I had learned then and now just how powerful music is as well.

When I was struggling mentally I was still looking to the Lord. I was having seemingly impossible things happen in my life and yet I kept pushing on.

It was only by the strength of the Lord and nothing of my old self that kept me wanting to press on and strive forward.

But if you ever think of the “wonders” of writing we must know that in our lives as we are like the ‘protagonist’ there is always an ‘antagonist’ that keeps stopping whatever we might plan.

The protagonist which might be the believer in good, wants to live and serve and see great things happen because of the amazing change that has happened in their life. But the antagonist which is Satan wants to stifle anything that is good that keeps him the prince of lies from stopping his plans.

That was a battle for all of my senior year almost as soon as I started my movie project for the Lord.

And it seemed to end when things became too much. I could not handle it all! And I ended up in a psychiatric hospital, while my friends who were very concerned thought I was never coming back

I was examined at a children’s hospital (I was young, only 17) then after they saw that something was definitely off they sent me to a place where I signed myself in.

My dad was with me every step of the way.

So fairly recently whenever my brothers would practice our songs we wanted to do that were covers I had mine from childhood but I thought about it in such a new way.

The words after that in a way tough experience made me feel like the music video I wanted to shoot would be about that time! The moments I thought I was dying and needed help. Having so many complicated feelings yet in being in some kind of rest. Thinking that time in the hospital I was going to be there that night. I called my dad a “visitor” and also was frustrated about how much he was trying to help me but his “helping” was getting overbearing beyond passing the line of what I was comfortable with, it felt!

And I was growing very claustrophobic and he wasn’t understanding what I was going through and wouldn’t leave the room even for a few seconds.

That was somehow this song! And when I thought of making the music video I had a flashback that made me feel like it had just happened yesterday

and I would keep crying.

Those times really did seem tough but I easily forget the good things or the things where God rescued me from a lot. In this case He just wanted to show just how vast His love really was. (Note to reader: Read my first testimony post if you wonder what happened then).

It starts in the heart torn by sin and the bad daily things that happen in the world as one grows up. People turn to bad and dangerous things either too young or as they are trying to develop or maybe even when they are adults!

And yet like a “song” somehow there is a reminder that hope and love is still there.

But music really is a powerful thing. It can bring on emotions and bring to the forefront a lot of things to meditate on or just be a lot of fun!

As a bad part of life that I know all too well, this life is precious. Don’t make a bad decision that will end for you to early… because there is a love here that will take you to wondrous, amazing possibilities.

There is love. Learn about it, because it will save your life. And God bless you!

Who Are We “In Christ?”- 6/17/21

Gonna put this up, then hopefully will go to bed afterwards!

Do you believe you have an identity? What could that mean…?

I have an identity. It’s called an I. D. Identification. It has everything on it including my name. If I had someone ask who I was and I wasn’t sure, I’d check that and say “This should tell you everything you are concerned about me. All the info on there is enough!”

Is it though? Is it really all there is “about” me? Could I rename myself? Better yet could someone in my life give me a new “identity”…..?

The news is so matter of fact about how people according to their facts “are.” It seems that many may feel that it is impossible to change. Hey whatever experiences people have is what people from there will expect.

I “can’t” change.

Well if one can’t change, I hope they realize the wonderful love of Jesus. If you follow His path and even want to live for Him wholeheartedly it will be amazing what He can do!

Now I have another thing to ponder. If we can, if we might gain a “new” identity… what will be involved with that?

The answer to that is simple. It will be like a beautiful dream only you HAVE woken up.

You realize that with Christ you have a new way of life, a way you didn’t think could matter! You see in yourself a change to the point you feel He has turned you completely around.

How can that happen? By trusting in Jesus in what He did on the cross!

Life without Him is horrid but life in Him is wonderful…

I’ve felt like I was without the Lord. Many times.

If you ever feel tempted, stay away from this stuff. It’s no different than alcohol in my opinion:

One of my biggest regrets was jumping into looking at pornography.

It was sick and I know people that go to my church might be quick to judge me but I knew it was wrong. I knew it and know it now!

I was too dern young. I just went through puberty! I was at a new school that year; I was up on the computer one night, I hesitated and then made that choice…

Now some people might think “porn” is no big deal. It is a big deal. It’s a spiritual warfare deal. Demonic things happen when people look at porn!

I entertained lusts in my heart that I should have talked to people about but instead stayed by myself and yearned endlessly to live to keep that evil flame burning.

I found all kinds of ways to get it again and again. It was not even fun. It sure seemed like I was getting some kind of enjoyment but it was never satisfactory!

I gave in constantly. It became a “drug.” It would have felt good if it didn’t feel like some kind of hell, dragging me around, making me feel like I was nothing after I learned slowly more and more that I was addicted to it.

These “freedom” moments in my life felt more like I was given shackles and then dragged through the mud and rocks while strung from the back of a vehicle. It felt like I was a slave to sin, and seemingly without God, but somehow I wasn’t.

It would drag me through nonstop personal mental “pain” and misery until I died if it was possible.

This was no “burden” to bear alone…

But yet it was a burden I didn’t even have to bear at all. Because of Jesus I was able to give it up (yes I fought with it again and again time and time again, but I still struggled against it versus not caring about doing it!). The feelings of being alone. The toiling and anguish in feeling like I was alone it seemed in my struggle.

Jesus took my burden as well as many things on the cross. He had every sin laid on Him so that He would be like a lamb and be “slaughtered”

How could that be?

They describe Jesus as a lamb. He was like a sacrifice but the ultimate sacrifice. He was the only one that worked!

In the Old Testament so-called “perfect” lambs were slaughtered just as a visual image. It brought people to glorify and worship God.

Because they did great at letting people know that God was good and one to worship but it was not spiritually cleansing.

People needed a real sacrifice. One which took on the sins not just of the world but then also for both you and me!

Without the shedding of blood there was no forgiveness.

He was the Lamb of God. He was the one who paid a debt because He was perfect (the real perfect!).

And so all sins were laid on Him so that He would be broken for the cause of Christ. That ones would come to know Him through His Son so that we were no longer separated if we ever felt lost and without God in our lives.

Now if you follow this way there is also a thing called soul liberty. Once you follow Him you don’t have to keep going this direction. Almost like Adam having a decision you can select whether to follow always or not…

you can choose to follow or not follow Christ. You can choose to stay in His body of believers or not.

But to make the choice to follow Jesus is being Christ bound!

It means you want to be bound to the ways of Christ Jesus. You want to follow all of His ways.

You can now know what it is in store to know Him more. Your master is God your father because now You know that thee is a will. It is like a new you!

Check this out. Some Scripture:

I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master’s business. ~John 15:15

And your old self was on the cross where Jesus died. It no longer is a “part” of you but you have been completely turned around if you trust in His ways.

Scripture:

I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” ~Galations 2:20

Isn’t that awesome. How marvelous it is to know this Jesus.

Do you want to pray to follow Him? Let’s see what your identity is in Him today!

Father:

I pray for the people who may be following a certain path. I know all about paths. Mine led to endless destruction. God I don’t want anything like that to happen to whoever might be reading this today (or tonight later) and I pray You reveal Your will for this person after they pray this.

Father God… I realize no matter how hard I try I cannot be good like You. I realize that any and all bad was paid for at the cross. IT was so much stuff and I know now You paid for it by the giving of your Son Jesus Christ. May I follow You with my whole heart and seek a place that speaks the truth that will help guide me Your way. I know that He died for my old self. Let me know more and more my new identity which is in You. I hope that in life I will be able to experience that here. . . Thank you for the wonderful privilege of prayer.

My hope now is that you see every day who you are in Christ. Did you know He sees You as forgiven? He sees one without sin! Wow. Now what a new identity. Praise God if you prayed but be encouraged and know how awesome living for God can really be. That is part of my prayer for you!