Tag Archives: love in the midst of so much hard stuff

Devotion Deuteronomy- 7/20/21

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The blog recently passed 200 likes. Thank you guys so much!

Because things are hard, is the Lord still with us?

Should we feel the life living for Him should be some kind of “easy peasy” no problems kind of life?

It’s actually easy to feel that way especially when you are not used to living a life that is completely surrendered to Christ.

It used to be so easy here in the United States of America to do pretty much nothing to God’s Will.

But here in the bible there were people who not only were following God’s Will by going wherever He would lead but were unsure emotionally about how to go about things.

In Deuteronomy a person explaining this verse seemed a little confusing to me.

In Deut. 31:6 they said some things about the verse I felt strongly against. But at the end was talking about in the end the people in this verse (Moses and the people after spending 40 years in the desert) how they should focus on God. That the Lord is with them and will not leave or forsake them.

Be strong and of good courage, do not fear nor be afraid of them; for the LORD your God, He is the One who goes with you. He will not leave you nor forsake you.” Deuteronomy 31:6 NKJV

That there is a lot of things that will be tough and yet not to fear and be afraid of others through situations but to live for God and not reject His ways.

I’m amazed by God’s Word. I have read very little over the years so jumping into verses and finding context has become like an adventure for me!

I almost feel like people in the bible experiencing new things in their respective stories. I hope that will become exciting for you reader. To read the bible has become a wonderful choice lately, I hope that you will want to go on your own adventure reading as well.

I have been wanting to write “bible guides” for a while if you are interested in doing so.

Maybe this will be like a little nudge to wanting to know more about what He wants for your life and to live closer to His ways.

Know that spending even a moment in His word is huge to God. It is amazing to see what changes He makes in your life if you spend it as time with Him.

I hope dear reader that you won’t be like I once was, so disobedient that almost nothing had mattered to me, and want to see the purpose of your life.

If you follow God you will see just how impactful it is to live for Him through Jesus Christ. Amen.

Devotions Joshua- 6/29/21

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Have you ever been afraid to say something even though you knew it would be right to say so? That had been most of my life!

I was a thinker but many times I thought my way out of witnessing too.

A person has many reasons to not witness I think that one of them is out of fear.

What will they think of me if I talk about Jesus?

What can we do but try to be a witness?

We should more than try. We need to remember the confidence we have had since our youth (Psalms 71:5).

Joshua had a lot on his plate it seemed in the book of Joshua Chapter 1.

Moses had a helper, a friend named Nun. When Moses passed away, the Lord spoke to Joshua- Nun’s child- to gather the ones of Israel to go over the Jordan River.

He was promised that the Lord would give over the land to the Israelites. This land was from the Euphrates River, the land of the Hittites, and all the land to the coast to the Mediterranean Sea.

He had to meditate on the law (which was important to believers at that time) day and night. (Source: Totally History – Joshua Chapter 1 Summary, Audio & Text (KJV) (totallyhistory.com) -)

Now how could this happen if men (and women) don’t normally hear from the Lord?

Joshua had a lot to accomplish! The hardest part was He had to trust in something that was not only greater than him, but avoid all of his human expectations and leave things in the Lord’s hands!

The verse to focus on will be Joshua a few verses in:

Have I not commanded you? Be strong and of good courage; do not be afraid, nor be dismayed, for the LORD your God is with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9 NKJV

Why did he have to mediate on the law? I believe it was for Joshua a way to focus entirely on the Lord.

If we should not keep our focus on our current or dangerous circumstances then what should (or who should) we keep our focus on to be “brave”?

Bravery. Courage.

It’s what every person needs today.

Have you ever been brave? We should stand for what we believe in. There’s a huge chance it will be against what the people within the world claim but it will still be the truth.

Bravery is going against what everything the world is saying. Is that true courage?

It is best to speak up about it.

Hope that has encouraged you to be a kind and gentle one in this chaotic world. Be the light in the darkness. Be “real” brave today.

Grief is Complicated- 6/23/21

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Was listening to a song and thought it would be perfect to direct a music video for and perform it. Didn’t realize until a moment later it would be perfect for a “future” movie project, which will surprise some of you…. 🙂

Sometimes we “grieve” over what we went thought. Sometimes we grieve over the past or things that were definite hurdles. I believe with all my heart we have limits to our bodies because we are strong and able bodied but after the fall we must know that there needs to be a glory or worship that is not in us.

We were made for something great and that first thing was to worship or give glory to God.

I think we were made for a great purpose! We all need to know that.

Mine had happened quite some time ago. But I had learned then and now just how powerful music is as well.

When I was struggling mentally I was still looking to the Lord. I was having seemingly impossible things happen in my life and yet I kept pushing on.

It was only by the strength of the Lord and nothing of my old self that kept me wanting to press on and strive forward.

But if you ever think of the “wonders” of writing we must know that in our lives as we are like the ‘protagonist’ there is always an ‘antagonist’ that keeps stopping whatever we might plan.

The protagonist which might be the believer in good, wants to live and serve and see great things happen because of the amazing change that has happened in their life. But the antagonist which is Satan wants to stifle anything that is good that keeps him the prince of lies from stopping his plans.

That was a battle for all of my senior year almost as soon as I started my movie project for the Lord.

And it seemed to end when things became too much. I could not handle it all! And I ended up in a psychiatric hospital, while my friends who were very concerned thought I was never coming back…

I was examined at a children’s hospital (I was young, only 17) then after they saw that something was definitely off they sent me to a place where I signed myself in.

My dad was with me every step of the way.

So fairly recently whenever my brothers would practice our songs we wanted to do that were covers I had mine from childhood but I thought about it in such a new way.

The words after that in a way tough experience made me feel like the music video I wanted to shoot would be about that time! The moments I thought I was dying and needed help. Having so many complicated feelings yet in being in some kind of rest. Thinking that time in the hospital I was going to be there that night. I called my dad a “visitor” and also was frustrated about how much he was trying to help me but his “helping” was getting overbearing beyond passing the line of what I was comfortable with, it felt!

And I was growing very claustrophobic and he wasn’t understanding what I was going through and wouldn’t leave the room even for a few seconds.

That was somehow this song! And when I thought of making the music video I had a flashback that made me feel like it had just happened yesterday…

and I would keep crying.

Those times really did seem tough but I easily forget the good things or the things where God rescued me from a lot. In this case He just wanted to show just how vast His love really was. (Note to reader: Read my first testimony post if you wonder what happened then).

It starts in the heart torn by sin and the bad daily things that happen in the world as one grows up. People turn to bad and dangerous things either too young or as they are trying to develop or maybe even when they are adults!

And yet like a “song” somehow there is a reminder that hope and love is still there.

But music really is a powerful thing. It can bring on emotions and bring to the forefront a lot of things to meditate on or just be a lot of fun!

As a bad part of life that I know all too well, this life is precious. Don’t make a bad decision that will end for you to early… because there is a love here that will take you to wondrous, amazing possibilities.

There is love. Learn about it, because it will save your life. And God bless you!

Devotion Psalm 139- 6/9/21

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Am going to help out another friend. Hopefully he won’t get kicked out from his place he’s lived so long in, he is such kind and sweet person to everyone. I hope that he will be fine after this!

Here is a number in case you ever feel what I will share about my testimony.

Anti-Suicide Hotline: 800-273-8255

Struggle and the worst days in the midst of hardship. Is it fun? No. Is it worth it? It…. might be? But it’s too easy not to think about it needing to happen because it is too hard to believe it!

Sometimes we struggle. We have worry, pain, sadness, depression, and loneliness. Then there are even “bigger” obstacles. Losing a job, alcoholism, losing loved ones, losing the house that one lived in for so long!

That’s not all the struggles but there are many things that happen every day. If you are rich enough though that is great. I hope you are able to help spread the word and share this free blog to people.

Anyway off of that tangent, I and my family have struggled ourselves with possible homelessness. My dad was working many jobs as we lived in a single house (it was a rental though) and faced some huge problems. An unforeseen problem where a person took advantage on a house he was trying to sell and led that to a lawsuit. My dad lost that case because the judge, allegedly, just wanted to be on the other’s side. To be on “their” side just to look good? That’s discouraging.

My dad lost that then the rent piled up and he could not afford it anymore. He also lost his one of two jobs as one place laid him off.

We had nowhere to “go.” No plan for a vacation house that happened to be somewhere else on coast by the beach. Nothing rich to be able to relax and not be so deep in worry.

Then a sweet “angel” a family member willingly gave up her house so we would live in, just so we wouldn’t become homeless and be out on the streets!

The house that as of now is the shelter, the dwelling… is the house this very day.

I hope one day they will be able to live for just each other one day…. because my parents deserve to have peace and be able to be happy either in retirement or just to be active in some capacity.

But anyway I honestly wasn’t trying to say all that either, haha! I just wanted to say this. Deep in our stresses, our hardships, and even in seeming trials and tribulations, the Lord still loves us! God has love that permeates and penetrates deep. It comes to all who want simply to live for Him, serve Him

…and be led by Him.

Now I will get into personal testimony. For years I “lived” within the walls of church. I was in a church around the time I was born too! But I was torn and struggled with my own life.

Bullying, verbal/some physical abuse from my mom (I forgive you though Mom, and I love you so much!), and other things from elementary school all the way to the beginning of high school came on me making life almost impossible to keep going.

My freshman year was a day in which I contemplated suicide. Yes it was wrong to think that but if you can imagine the daily toil I had of people constantly pummeling me with jokes and tearing apart any happiness and self-worth I could have had, it was a way out. Worst off before that moment came to be I saw people who tore into me show seeing “grace” to others. I was somehow still an exception.

That’s it! Was I guess my heart’s motive. I was going to die a painful, awful self-inflicted death and all I asked was that I would be dead at the end of it.

What God’s grace did for me probably not even halfway through that day was that I forgot about that. All of it. I must have had a great day because I didn’t have that cross my mind again until I took Psychology my senior year where I found out it was a repressed memory.

Speaking of my senior year I somehow saw God’s deep love, how He was against abandonment, and to live for Christ with all my heart.

After my hardship and in effect then becoming “activated” by the Holy Spirit, I wanted to gratefully acknowledge His love to every place I would go!

I say this only because God is good. Christ saved me from so much and it was like I saw a hundred blessings all at once.

I went to school with an oomph to show God’s love and proclaim the gospel! My personality, everything in my life was turned around and like puzzle pieces fit into His glory. As I felt not just the love towards others but such a deep intimate bond with Christ (I do miss that…) there were hurdles too.

Some light hardships came. My school project being redone meant I had to not graduate with my class and repeat my senior year; though my project was just a screenplay I was determined to do a full on movie project and asked our local “News station” to recruit people for the movie and was told not to do that and my suggestion got filed away; I instantly learned in my heart as if in discernment that anything I planned to do for Jesus, Satan seemed to be right behind that action to stop it;

Then those “hardships” became bigger ones! After seeing a ghostly place with a friend sometime later an elaborate thing happened. It was like Satan sent evil and it dropped down right next to me in my bed (a demon). I screamed my head off! But at the same time it seemed like it was in reaction by the Holy Spirit.

Then one night I was lying in bed and was woken up by the Lord. “No. Not yet. Please. Don’t let ‘the end’ happen… not yet!”

What happened was I was shaken back and forth in my bed twice, then it felt almost like two fingers went under my ribcage to lift me up! The fear of the Lord then was definite and a reality!

The Lord was coming. And I had to warn people!

So I continued work on the project.

Then after some more situations other things happened and eventually I ended up hospitalized. I felt like Paul in that situation because here I was feeling scared and seemingly alone and all I wanted was to see my church’s happy faces again.

The place felt like a prison. You couldn’t even open the window to get fresh air because it was locked shut and the handle to open it had been removed!

I felt discouraged. And also (sorry Mom and Dad, forgive me) I became not homesick, but church sick. I asked my dad to get the directory and looked at the pictures.

Then after a while of being in a psychiatric hospital, I began to notice something. People in my group and even some of the staff looked familiar. Were they familiar? Yes, they really were!

God answered my hope to be with church to when I was away from church to bringing an old church to me! The people I was chatting and would fellowship with were from my old church when my dad lost the rental house!

How could this be? Does God really exist now, reader? I believe so and He is there for you whether you will believe it or not!

Part 2 coming