A lot has happened recently. I will hint of some of this here. I want to recount something brief here. But there is a little message at the end.

I guess what I want to do is tell just how much I kinda lost it recently. It’s a sad small world that what I will tell you happened around the time somebody just died (related to another person who I happened to talk about in my debut blog entry!).

Sometime after this tragic thing happened I just didn’t know what to do. I had been working constantly (and had to work non-stop where the week prior I got my vaccine shot which was set up for me the day before I was going to be off for two days) and I wasn’t sleeping too well and hadn’t been properly exercising either. The only time I moved around was at work and also if I spent any time with my buddy Paul.

Well I think because of being so busy living like this, maybe my old nature which is constantly worried, almost always afraid of things caused me to do this.

This might not be an interesting story. I just want to tell it because it’s something I feel like has kind of been passed on maybe generations with my family (at least with my dad, haha!). But we are seemingly worry warts.

My buddy (who might not want me to talk about his condition) has some health problems. So one day I was just hanging at home not doing much interesting I realized I hadn’t heard from him in what I thought was eleven hours! I freaked out. I couldn’t help it.

So I went to the convenience store in hopes he was hanging there cuz it was a place he enjoys being at and asked the man at the cashier section if he had come in.

He said no. Usually if I don’t hear from him he’s just there. A lot of people see him so much there as he is a very talkative guy and likes to chat with everyone. So now no one I knew saw him. I hoped he was at home. Then I had a comforting realization that I did remember hearing from him (in a way).

I saw that when I was about to text him last he must have just gone to bed. It said as I was messaging him (he never saw it) that he was last on it about 15 minutes ago.

Whew, what a relief!

Now a normal person would just go home and know logically things were okay and he would message me when he felt like it. Right?

Well not me at that moment! After I left I had a thought. I felt like I would be a jerk if I didn’t at least visit his house to see if he was alright. So after confusing myself walking one direction then the other I made it final. I would see him.

Then I walked the way there, walking around in public late at night towards his house. By the time I made it I hoped that there would be evidence he was alright. I got to the house, still a little upset that his lights were out. If his lights were on I’d find a reason to knock (I felt if they were off he’s probably trying to get sleep which he struggles with at that place because his neighbors are known to make a lot of noise. Not always but at the worst times!).

Then as if an air of comfort came to me again I remembered I saw that last time he was on. He must have been fine. I theorized he must have dozed off right around the time I thought of texting him and as I said before he has trouble sleeping.

So I left his place the door of his house without knocking and went straight home. I found out later he was completely fine.

So now… why did I say all that? I’ve got to tell ya that in the bible Philippians 4: 6-7 it tells us to “be anxious for nothing” to give our requests to God. It also tells us ways we can give our requests (prayers) and it seems to imply we must do so with dedication. Do so with a great purpose and be thankful for all He has done for us. To be anxious means one is not trusting what God already has had from the start… and that is complete control. Control of the world amidst the chaos. Control of you. Your life.

Why must we be so anxious? I don’t know. I’ve been struggling with that since the first time I was hospitalized. I was afraid of what I thought was real but even then I should have trusted Him. I hope that in this crazy road of life I can give up all my anxieties. And I think I can! Just as long as I’m not like Peter looking at the raging seas when Jesus told Him to keep His eyes on Him. Trust Him.

Goodnight.

A close family of mine has just had a terrible tragedy. I have grown up with them almost all my life and a main member died a traumatic way. They need prayers of comfort and love revealed during this time.

Well these two days I feel like have been as long as a year! A time of growth and tragedy, a time to try to move on and mature, just so much going on.

It started on Wednesday. My brothers were planning on going to a bar in Philly and perform for Open Mic. I was getting ready to tell someone I knew from the past about how well I was doing when I was devastated by news.

The death. No one saw it coming. I worried and sent a message then called the family member that made the post. We cried as we talked. Then I told members I was planning to see them as soon as I could the next day… it was horrible to not see them, even panic because they were going through this and I felt like I could only do this stupid show!

I thought I was helpless with this music thing and had to leave it up to God for the moment. Boy, that was so tough.

I hurt for this family… I loved the mother like my own…

After knocking some sense into some people about what had happened (haha, just kidding guys, hope you’re not reading this!) they wanted to comfort me. They were worried like crazy about an entertainment show at a place far from here that they had hoped to go to and then found out about the death.

They realized immediately how serious it was.

While I was gathering my bearings I made them some breakfast. Was surprised I fed myself but I had to get some nourishment.

Making coffee then toast with some peanut butter, honey and sunflower seeds. I also gave the two people (one my bro!) a hard-boiled egg each since they hadn’t eaten yet.

After a slow, agonizing few hours we eventually got to do a quick rundown of our songs.

Then we headed out to get to the Septa travelling, just the two bros and I!

Getting there it was so awesome to see in person a guy there leading the Open Mic (and he also was playing songs for the people there with his well-known band). I hope he will be alright and care about him a lot.

We got to perform and again we had sound issues. Oh well… I have got to learn to get right into the mic, almost kiss it when I sing (haha!).

Anyway awesome bands played. Indie music is pretty awesome. I thought one big highlight was FLNG. They played awesome! Also I got to talk to Rob McCall. He was doing some great stuff and after it was all over we walked most of the way toward our Subway destination and chatted with him.

I told him that my one bro and I had this band years ago. We just until recently had never even played a note, hahaha!

Then I told him stuff as to why I wasn’t able to go to all Open Mics and he said, that is great. I was involved in ministry at my church.

He saw us off and we said good bye. Then we headed home. Oh yeah just because I was being silly I thought before we got there to write on my knuckles, a “tattoo” as it were.

People that know me know what the subject was. Rabbits!

I put on the eight fingers “I heart bunny” then an outline of a bunny face. I am weird, if you don’t know that you don’t know me, hahahaha!

Anyway I got home, ate and went to bed.

Then I got to see the family the next day….

Well it’s just crazy how drastic life can be at times. None of us can get used to it but we always have to adjust. It’s sometimes hard, very hard but you and I can find the strength to carry on if you have faith. Thank God if you know Him!