Category Archives: Book

Another Quick Devotion?- 6/24/21

Posted on by
Reply

And do not lead us into temptation, But deliver us from the evil one. For Yours is the kingdom and the power and the glory forever. Amen.

Matthew 6:13 NKJV

We must remember that in order for us to be rescued from the perils that we were once slaves to, we should know just what exactly we were first rescued from. There is a lot of bad stuff out there and if we as Christians keep giving into it there might be a reason that it feels the holy spirit leaves a person’s life. Not completely abandoning the person, but it is a time where God goes “okay, it’s time for you to take me seriously again… whenever you want to, I’ll be here.”

I’ve experienced that time and time again before and worse before that. Giving into my old ways, not caring what other people might think. But there are always consequences, especially if a believer after a while does so and keeps doing so with reckless abandon! We must take the Lord seriously.

We also must not pray to look good. That was the flaw of the Pharisees during the New Testament. They loved “showy” prayer and yet God was not in them. We must adjust our praying so that He is glorified and we must talk directly to Him before we might have to speak in public, let’s say.

No pride. If pride then no glory. And let’s remember what we were delivered from so we can be strong during those temptations, AMEN

A Quick Devotion- 6/23/21

Posted on by
Reply

Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.

Philippians 3:13-14 NKJV

Paul was very dedicated to what he believed in before and after He found out who Christ was. When he took some words out of context he was literally killing believers! How sad. So many were perishing while Paul (then actual name: “Saul”) was thinking doing so was in “God’s Will.”

Have any of us ever did something not in God’s Will but we thought it was right? I’m sure many have.

In fact I believe with all my heart there are people today with Saul’s “hopeful” purpose. Ones should hopefully realize though that there is love that might not be where they believe now.

There is hope. There is a love. And it must not be taken out of context.

Ones who are in love and hope of one who is greater than themselves should not be discouraged even though in these current times it may be tough. We must forget our past (though not repeat it), we must reach forward to our goals either for the Lord or for our hopes for wanting to live a better life. We must press on like a runner, though it might seem tough if all you think of are your current understandings and what you see right now in “front of” you.

Don’t lose heart, my friends. Press on toward the goal because His love and giving (or our “outgiving” God which is impossible) will help the cause but we must respond first to the call of Christ Jesus.

Devotion 2 Corinthians Verse- 6/22/21

Posted on by
Reply
Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen. For the things which are seen are temporary, but the things which are not seen are eternal. II Corinthians 4:16-18 NKJV

Hello dear reader.

How awesome God is being in my life lately. It’s funny how just a year after I was in a bad situation all I cared about was a “feeling” and I wanted it back more than probably anything.

I shared that on my first “testimony” heading. Well I mean the one this year in June was the time I put that testimony on officially for the site (but there’s a chance I will change older ones into having those main tags as well!).

Now though I have not the feeling I also see this as “maybe I’m not done.” I had an intimate relationship with the Lord many years back and yet I feel this time it’s either almost the same or more so, greater than when I might have felt I was in the past supposedly “stronger” in Jesus.

But I must not lost heart especially then that lately I see God’s invisible hand in my life. Things that are not seen. Yet I know there is something or a lot of things happening only because of the Father’s glory.

Though this life is tough and to easy too we must not be discouraged. We have God on our side even if it seems that it is too hard for it to feel like it is true.

We must not forget the attitude God helped us develop also. That is what I feel it means when it says to “not lose heart.“

More and more every day we are more like Christ especially if we stay in God’s word (the best way to do this at least is daily. It helps the heart stay consistent and in tube to what He wants to say to us!). To read is to have our minds renewed, to be refreshed in the Holy Spirit, and also a reminder that though it is easy to expect a lot from God, a relationship is a two way thing: we can talk and pray as much as we want but we must also read the Bible to find out what he wants to say to us too!

May we not “see” the storms in lives as ways God has “abandoned” us. May we keep our hearts and minds in tune from the love of Jesus because it was by His blood we were healed. May we all see that though we might love God He was first to love us!

I hope we all walk in His ways and seek things like sharing His Wrd and the gospel that might be like baby steps but will turn into ways to show our gratefulness to God and lead to our treasures in heaven!

Amen

Devotions 6/21/21

Posted on by
Reply

Don’t know if I should go to e. r. right away as it will take forever to get things done with my doctor. I like that office less and less now to be honest. Feels like they care that I make another appointment more than actually wondering what’s going on with me…!

This one will have three seemingly random verses, from three different books of the bible:

They collectively will come from Proverbs, Isaiah, and one verse from Psalms. The latter will be the main verse!

In all things, who should we put our full trust in? Can we stop shouting about nonsense and know there is something beyond all our understanding…?

And who can help us in times of trouble? Real problems. “Good” people? Maybe something like the “Man upstairs?”

It’s easy to think that something like “that” is too far away to help us. We have long ago made ourselves so corrupt with sin since Adam’s fall.

Should we see God as something high in the clouds or accessible to ones here and now? Too often the former is portrayed more often in media like tv shows where God is either inaccessible or even that He is not like the God those Christian people claim and portray a blasphemous version: Did God make a mistake when He did things? Or how about if God is really holy, or is He just some “jerk” like the rest of us…?

We always with harsh statements like that will actually reflect the person’s heart. Can we claim something like that is true….? It isn’t because it is not the God of truth in the bible.

We must let go of our old assumptions about the God who cares and deeply loves us and not only showed that by giving us His Son as a sacrifice for our sin but He will guide us through anything even if it a times “feels” like he isn’t there…!

We must remember that He is God. Feelings come and go but He is still the same!

He is God, of all else we should let go like what we thought God was before we knew Him…. even things from the past we might keep thinking could possibly still be true but goes against the knowledge of God’s Word.

To follow God’s Word is serious stuff, ladies and gents!

For example I once had a belief that went against God’s Word (I will share more on that on a future “testimony” about trusting in something that is not us or other beliefs). Was it an interesting idea? Yes. But was it really “truth“…? Umm….. yeah it wasn’t, haha….

It is hard to trust in something that doesn’t seem to really be there. You have to find it first in your heart by the love of Jesus.

Trust in the Lord with all your heart Proverbs 3:5

We can’t just go halfway with trust. I’ve done that before. I have had personal, let’s say, “comfortabilities” where I thought in a way, But I kinda still like my old self; I don’t want to completely abandon it!

That is an example of the heart not wanting to trust… and that is not good.

We must believe that what he’s got is all we, in a way, will need!

You might stay poor though. There may still be challenges within the church body and with people’s lives. Don’t believe people on the tv that say we will blessed with riches if we follow Christ.

That is a sinful trap by the televangelists. They also avoid talking about sin too (most of them anyway, not all…!)

What Christ died for is not just for he world but for the sin of the people within it. Not just some sins or the only ones we think are accessible… but all sin!

And if we put our full trust in God’s Son He will take care of us. Like a path we have yet to have trodden, it is a new one! but it will be worht it if you follow Him and this new path.

I am he who will sustain you. Isaiah 46:4

If we believe that God not only died for what people claim He died for we also must remember He died for your sin as well.

And yes, all of it. How comforting just is the thought of that!

Your very sin in your heart Jesus loved you so much He died for it too. Because He deeply loves with a love that is more than skin deep.

And don’t listen to the seeming bunch of Christians that will judge and make statements that are rocky. They do bring at least conviction but to shout that people are going to hell before ones get to see what they are like is not right.

I believe that if a person condemns a sinner before they get to know them deserves hell just as much as the person that they are judging!

Ones must first love before they will seek out ones in His love.

But ones who struggle must also know that assumptions they have about the Christian faith must also know they could be assumptions or just how the world sees them.

We must not think we know what the church is actually before we actually get to understand what “houses” it.

Which all in all it houses the holy spirit. It is something so mysterious but given to all people long ago because of what Jesus said would be left to impact not just His people the Jewish but the Gentiles and the non-believers.

It was left firstly for the first ones to want to know Him.

So what does the church have?

Do you want to find out today? It is love. A love beyond all human understanding.

We must be quiet and know that He could one day have us as a part of Him and a part of His Way:

Be still and know that I am God ~Psalm 46:10

Do you want to know that He is God today…?

Let’s pray:

Father God, the way you have been portrayed the past many years I realize was strange. But I think I understand the truth. Can you really show me a way that I can follow now? I want this holy spirit in my life. I realize it was left because after Jesus died on the cross for my sin, it was left for the people after Jesus left the earth bodily. He died on the cross because he not only loved the world but also ME TOO. I want to live for You totally and fully. I want to trust in You with all my heart and accept this gift because I want to live for You and only You and not what I used to think of. And I know now Jesus was here but He is one day coming again. Help me live my life. Thank you Jesus. Amen.

Have you prayed that prayer? May you be proud of what Jesus has done in your life today! Thank you Lord for the privilege of prayer… 🙂 God bless you.

Devotions A Quick One- 6/18/21

Posted on by
Reply

It’s easy to lean on the old self, by going back to ways one is used to and also feeling like there is no other “way” Psalm 73:26. But that would not be right in the Lord! Though the flesh is weak Paul has said in the New Testament that we should not be like our old selves just because we can be forgiven; we should always seek His wisdom before thinking the ways that were once “normal” to us. Since that way was paid by Christ’s blood, we have no reason to keep following that way.

Sinning by, for example, “looking” at things that aren’t right is not right in the eyes of the Lord. Which is why we must trust fully and totally in something that has been living in us all this time but also follow and trust He will guide us through all things as well. To follow the Lord and see him as the defense and strength to our lives brings so many great things to our lives including the joy to be strong but in His power and also to be able to carry on (Psalm 28:7).

We also must remember just what He has done in our lives, stop thinking of ourselves, and pray for others and help them. To actually care wholeheartedly is easy to claim we do but it might not be something one actually does. It is easy to say that one cares but then only pursue one’s own personal goals. But if you’ve seen miracles in your personal life or have heard the amazing things other people have gone through we should have the hope to be like nurses or people who deeply and genuinely care. Be like Christ but think of what He does where He “heals” and helps tend to “wounds” for others which He is. He is compassionate (Psalm 147:3). So of all these things, what can we do for Him….?

Devotions Isaiah Verse- 6/16/21

Posted on by
Reply

Getting a doc appmt is kind of stressful! I just want to make one but keep finding out I’m still a step or two behind so have to backtrack, haha…..

Bible verse from New King James Version:

Fear thou not; for I am with thee: be not dismayed; for I am thy God: I will strengthen thee; yea, I will help thee; yea I will uphold thee with the right hand of my righteousness. Isaiah 41:10

—–

What is fear in relation to God and what it says in the bible? Is this fear a “good” thing? Is God always going to “strike us down” like lightning if we don’t follow his ways?

Fear is merely being afraid or scared of something, right?

That’s my own definition anyway. But the bible is clear that being “afraid of God” means something we might not expect.

(Sorry people for being up a little later than usual. Apparently this site gets views mostly by 11. It’s 12 now and going past at this typing but I hope that people will check it out a little later this time, hahaha…)

To be fearful of God means to be in mind of His commandments. I don’t mean people who know they have to love their already loving friends that if they get upset at them one day they should now fear God.

I mean taking His commandments seriously.

A person who fears God shouldn’t be looking online for images and videos that don’t honor God and then say to a friend “God will forgive me. I did feel bad about it afterwards. But it was ‘okay’ though…”

A person who fears God shouldn’t be checking out gossip mag after gossip mag and then say “Well I can say this about Joan, she’s just like that ‘slutty chick’ in this magazine!” But knows that gossip is wrong!

A person who fears God shouldn’t have hate or some kind of awfully strong feeling towards others they know they love. Why hate when the body was made for a better purpose…?

Years ago I had a few emotions I didn’t know what to do about. I was jealous about other people’s lives. They had family who were in the church, many who they were sure knew the Lord and served Him… and yet people in my immediate family didn’t show any form of growth. My mother, I was afraid, may have been headed towards hell.

I saw so many at church who were great examples of both a woman and mother in Christ. They celebrated others’ lives, people who might start off in new futures, something that was great and they showed joy and happiness!

I grew up avoiding telling my mother if there was a “new baby” coming for not just with church family, but with literally any family, because like clockwork my mom would (and still does get at times) jealous about others’ new beginnings.

My mom had a number of very fine boys (okay, maybe a few good ones and one “Stooge.” Me as Curley: I’m “defended.” How dare me….?!)

Yet to this day wished she had a daughter…

Boys who are healthy, who are well, that doesn’t matter at all to her. She still wished she had a daughter.

My mom thinks if things don’t turn out in ways exactly like “everyone” else then God might not be real.

Well she never denied God but in my heart I felt she was so awful about things, it was like she had the heart of someone who didn’t believe that God was real!

There’s a seeming protection to her expectations. Her probably personal rule: If things don’t go ‘her way,’ then life is completely awful.

She’s sick of being like “Job.” But she first has to realize there are many blessings that she needs to see that are here and now!

I’ve said again and again count your blessings.

Her reaction every time: “WHAT BLESSINGS…??”

She might be changing now but … my mom changes silently so I can never know how she is growing or if she is about thinking of what God has given us versus what He in a sinner’s toil, “refuses” us to have in physical riches.

We must think of many things we learned or have learned in life if we know certain bible verses. To love others, to love the Lord our God with all our heart.

We must do His commandments and follow Him.

Mine is to honor God. There were times I was tempted to give in to being with a man but I thought “No. That is wrong…!”

Not just because it is sin, not just because it would not be right…

but because it does not prove that God is in my life. Also I have had amazing, “impossible” things happen in my life that I am humbled by.

Lord, You changed me in a way I thought I could do myself (nope) but instead you turned me around long ago in a way I didn’t expect!

You made the impossible possible!

And that was because of Christ and I am in effect a NEW creation… something that was not before!

What a testimony but you can have it too if you strive on and live for Him. Don’t “fear” Him in the worldly way, just keep in mind His commandments.

If you fail ask for forgiveness. He’ll be in front of you to guide you forward every step of the way. Let Him take you by His right hand, and lead You day to day towards righteousness!

Amen.

Devotions Growth 6/15/21

Posted on by
Reply

I am very mature yet I still have a lot of “growing” to do. Thank You, Lord, for Your patience with me…!

Ever tried to grow something but it took forever?

I don’t think I would do that. I just don’t have the patience. I love that there are many people with “green thumbs,” but to do that would require way too much from me!

People who garden are wonderful. I am amazed when I found out more and more that there are others who do that. Some people will grow tomatoes right outside their windows, or found ways to “scrap” food pieces where they place them into the earth and a new sprout comes forth.

As long as they have the tools and the ability to do so, something will grow…!

But just how can we grow in life…? Is there a way we might not be used to doing?

The bible has two verses that I feel have been laid on my heart today.

The first is from the Old Testament! It is from the prophet Isaiah.

Just what does it take to grow? I know it simple but yet sometimes simple images make a huge impact to the life wanting to follow Him.

Water. Water is a giver of life. Here imagine life where water flows freely like a spring.

Behold, I will do a new thing, Now it shall spring forth; Shall you not know it? I will even make a road in the wilderness. And rivers in the desert. Isaiah 43:19

Water brings life. Did you know water also exists in the desert?

Cacti or “cactuses” that exist in the desert do hold water.

There is another thing about deserts you probably don’t know. Did you know in many arid lands of desert that it can go from extremely hot in the scorching day to very cold at night?

How can that happen? I just wanted to mention that. There are so many things in life to find interesting.

Ooh I just found something:

The temperature in the desert can change drastically from day to night because the air is so dry that heat escapes rapidly at night. Source: earthobservatory.nasa.gov

Even if you feel that God is not doing stuff in your life doesn’t mean He isn’t? Have you responded to the call to know Jesus? We are very impatient creatures but we are important to the call to Christ and we must know what we were made (or “recreated” by the Holy Spirit) to be!

Another verse that is more clear to anyone that wants to simply read His word and also live for God.

This verse is about the knowledge from His Word and growing through His Son.

Here is the verse from the New Testament below:

..but grow in the grace and knowledge of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 2 Peter 3: 18

Hmm, so in order to live for Christ, we must also have a personal growth in Him?

How can we all do that? Is there a special way to grow in a way we might not know about?

That was first by the blood of Jesus! He paid the way. It is through the love of the father that it happened. He willed it, we must accept it! Like a gift from a loving friend we must accept the gift of eternal life.

Maybe that is too late for you? Maybe you feel that spiritually you can’t even cry out fo the one who loves You so much…?

I know of spiritual warfare. It is awful and sometimes deadly stuff!

Know that I know Him and I love YOU. I might not know you but I hope I do.

I also know some things that happen if I surrender to the Will of God because it is He that does the changing, not I!

I am like a farmer who spreads the seeds in hopes of one day a spiritual harvest.

Will You follow the ones who know Jesus? I hope so. May God protect you if you so do!

Just follow and you will see amazing changes in your life you did not know could be possible!

Because Christ can make the impossible possible. He makes things that seem impossible happen only if one gives in to His will, and He glorifies Himself so that it is possible! And it is fun to live in Him. Believe me.

Devotions Matthew 5:44- 6/14/21

Posted on by
Reply

I’m rushing to cook for about two people. For fun and for a person from my church who is not well physically. And he’ll never be well again sadly…

Isn’t it tough to love people who are against you? How about people who flat out say they hate you? Or one person, in an example, who wanted to curse me (she did it secretly though. It was my neighbor who lived with her family right next door to where my family lived)?

So even if it might be just in our hearts or even briefly if we want to get revenge, we do that, right? WRONG.

Being a true Christian means living truly uncomfortable, and that means we should follow commands we wouldn’t in our sinful heart normally do. We must not do things our old self has done either (if you still are, you need to get right with God now or adjust your attitude and then ask Him for forgiveness). If you are actively pursuing things that are not good or are wrong and you know it…. that is scary. I don’t know what to say about that besides: Do you truly know the Lord?

You probably don’t. And that is scary!

Anyway before I digress, we must love the people actively out to “get” us. I know that sounds paranoid, hahaha….

Believe me, it is true.

The bible in Matthew 5:44 says we must bless those who “curse” us. We must do good to those who hate us. And pray for those who persecute or, more lightly, use us spitefully.

But aren’t we supposed to care about our own needs and live for our lonely growth?

Why do we do this? Isn’t that saying true that “God only helps those who help themselves?”

That’s such an untrue saying. it’s like a nice sounding “Christian” so-called line straight from the devil’s lips himself!

That is a saying from the prince of lies, THE enemy, would you listen to that statement…?

We must live for own personal growth yes (devoting time with God’s word every day or any moment we spend time with Him) and also learn every day to love and see our knowledge and how we can apply it (wisdom)!

In a world of “hate” we must love. In a place where people protest or are secretly against what we believe but won’t say so in public we must be kind back. In a world where thieves can get away with things but consider themselves “right” or “honoring,” we must show them the limits of the law yet be patient.

Being a real Christian means fighting our “old selves” whether one who was rage-filled or even vengeful and be counter that, not in just fleeting word but in genuine heart.

Being a true follower of the Lord means even praying for people who were once mockers of you, who slander-ised you (yet you know the truth) or hopes you fail in life.

If you are going out of your way to do that to wreck other people’s lives, what does that say about you?

Stop and be love. If you can’t then learn to love dammit because we don’t know if we have tomorrow! Do you know we’re not even guaranteed anything on this earth?

We must not just plan to love tomorrow but at least try to love today. Christians, be love because as one guy I know said “You’re the only ‘book’ they’ll ever ‘read.'”

They see YOU as an example of a follower of Christ. They see YOU as the one who though they don’t understand your view or even say that it is “stupid” in their eyes, they might show you respect at the very least if you follow through and not just “talk the talk.”

Let’s be love to our so-called enemies today. Love as Jesus loves. That is all.

Devotions Psalm 27, two vrs- 6/12/21

Posted on by
Reply

Got some not such encouraging words from the doctor the other day. Told me he didn’t believe I had a physical problem! He wanted me to get a cat scan and I misinterpreted that as “You don’t have what you claim, I want you to get THIS done instead.” Glad I listened to people who said to get it. Get that done!

I will touch on two verses here in Psalm 27. It will be verse one and verse four. I might have to do so in KJV (King James) Version instead of NKJV. Or just speak and not reference at all, haha…

If the Lord is your light and salvation does that mean He is only there for you the time you came to Christ? Is that “it” for your love from Christ story?

I don’t believe that at all! Love from God can be shown to you as He sees your heart. If you continue to pursue His ways He blesses you because He sees Himself more and more in your life so He will glorify Himself.

God is amazing! I “see” Him as a big, always-burning light. It will do what it can to impact you, change you from the inside out, and bless your path if you live for Him through Jesus Christ and to know He died for your sin.

If you live or want to live for Christ, Whom shall you fear?

It’s too easy to fear. It’s hard to not to sometimes! It’s also easy to be uneasy and discouraged. Sometimes we will try or do our best and it feels like there are no results…

But we must hold fast and continue to live well. As good as we can be! And give God the glory and praise. Also to show his love. Not show “love” the way a certain path can be, but just show Godly love. There is a real love out there but if you know Him it’s in the heart and you might feel it too!

Will finish this later… to be continued

Psalm 139- 6/9/21 Part 2

Posted on by
Reply

Continuing on, I hope you checked out Part 1, dear reader. Otherwise this post will make little sense…

After being moved by God’s definite love for me and for the people who He dearly loved, I was eventually sent home. I had an after-care program and went back home and went to church again.

I wish I could say I was quick to proclaim the amazing things that just happened! Sadly I was very emotion-based and didn’t want to say much of anything because I was depending on feelings after I got home and it “felt” like the Lord had left me entirely.

I was however not forgetting what He did for me though. I was baptized the month I got back!

So what did this all mean? Was that just a happy ending and I should just dust myself off and be done with living my life? One might see that as just an experience and look back on it like a pleasant memory but not move on or have new ones.

Is that all to my story? That would have been nice but God does things through all good and bad. He is there for us, He makes ways for us, and we might not see those blessings or the pure endless love of Him but it is there whether we might want to believe it or not!

We could dive high into the clouds and He is there. But what about if we went say… “underground?”

As long as we walk this earth could be be with us even if we think we were in “hell?”

The year after experiencing a happy joyous time, as if in time, there was the opposite. I was really feeling excited about living for the Lord.

But the prince of lies (a.k.a. satan) loves to deceive, bring painful memories from far back into fruition, and keep us feeling that we can’t and shouldn’t do what God wants us to do.

He loves telling partial truths but will have His servants on their knees feeling they should give up feeling deep guilt which leads to depression.

He also uses your experience for “his” gain! Now you can’t be at church. Now you can’t be this so-called “blessing.” He will remind you of so much from before you will wonder if this god is true in your life at all.

“It’s true you’re a so-called “believer” right? Or were you just deceiving people….?”

I was uncomfortable not understanding what the people were talking about as I was learning about how to serve in ministry in the summer that year. I pondered about things deep in my past because there was an awful situation, I didn’t know the details then as people were going over that which made me end up feeling discouraged.

I lost sleep it bothered me so much. Then I was daily burdened by it so much when I was driven to church, I was like a stick in mud as people drove me there. I just could not move!

As if my fellow brethren were trying to remind me of His love or at least the beauty of His creation they told me with tears in their eyes how the flowers that sprung up looked. There was new flora and it seemed as if God had been showing me His love yet… I still felt paralyzed. What in the world was this???

My personal demons continued on with their game and after a while I didn’t know how to feel. I thought maybe I just didn’t deserve God’s love. Maybe I should “go to hell” instead.

Hell is not a good place by the way, just sayin’! I felt like in the event I will share that it seemed to happen to me, just know you should never feel you should be there. That there is no path but that place. It’s endless and it will be your only place after the first death if you choose to live without God!

I didn’t like that ultimately in sin I was the way I mentioned earlier. I thought I deserved to “burn” because I couldn’t do things that apparently, I found out later could only be done through Christ.

Then I stopped eating. When my mom gave me a tv dinner she heated up in the oven it somehow tasted like ashes (I swear at least a little bit like my taste buds were shot). Then after more days and awful situations (I was going to lose my insurance soon and there was no way to stop it, it seemed) I lost grip on reality.

I thought I was still doing my movie project (but somehow only while I was sleeping) since I tried to get back to it before all of this happened. I was over a friend’s house and after hoping the worst on myself I felt like I was attacked and “sent” to hell.

Screams and fire and brimstone I heard all around me. It smelled like sulfur was kept just below my nostrils every time I took a breath!

My friend’s mother (who was alive at the time) grabbed me and tried to bring me upstairs.

I heard a strange voice then I thought I “heard” her tell the voice to “shut up” and I also realized I couldn’t move well at all.

My legs felt like they were stripped of their skin and every step I took in the midst of the burning sounds and scream noises felt like the stairs I was moving up I was sinking into lava.

By the time I finally opened my eyes I was staring into hers and the screams the sounds of flames, everything then dissipated. She kept me in a quiet dark room and held me to herself.

As if it was a huge trauma I woke up the next day with some kind of mental “reset.” If I remember right the mom and dad were looking at me like I was their “baby” and showing love that I didn’t deserve. I responded back like a child.

(Sorry I had to take a moment to cry; the father also recently passed.)

So to keep this somewhat shorter, I probably didn’t see myself still as “redeemed.” I went my own way like a possessed person who believed now he was possibly the only person on earth to ever lose their salvation.

I was now dead on earth. I was gone. All because of self-judgement.

More hallucinations, more smelling of sulfur and this time I ended up at a few hospitals, not just at two (including the psyche building) like the year prior.

Eventually I ended up at the hospital. I probably would have perished if not for this special “dwelling.” But you know what was neat? It was the same hospital as last time. I was in the adult ward this time!

Then of course Satan did his things. More challenges and scary stuff. One night I saw two people outside my window by I’d say twenty feet away or so…? I knocked and they turned around. Two demonic looking men looked me in the eyes.

They had strange smiles as they immediately sprinted towards the hospital and headed straight for me. I was not hallucinating this time: This was now real!

Somehow they got into the hospital and went towards my location.

I stood turned away from them as they headed for me. There were some firm but gentle shouts as the staff immediately kicked them out.

And like that they were gone…!

But as I speak of hell, remember when I said that Jesus is like a “firefighter…?” Well that’s coming up.

On Sunday I was so blessed to find out that in a smallish room a bunch of people were waiting as one man was not just a staff member on the medical team but also a pastor.

He shared about the bible. And He told of God’s love.

Here I was on the pit of seeming hell and then I heard a bunch of words that changed me after that moment. A spiritual refresher that could only come from a reverend filled by the Holy Spirit. A chance to know that there was renewal in the midst of hardship. Life in the midst of personal sadness and regret.

Out of all the terrible stuff I had done God’s love was there. He was there no matter what I thought I deserved genuinely.

God still loved me.

My eyes overflowed with tears.

I had no idea. I did not know that it was possible.

So much of this touches on Psalm 139. Where can we go from Him? Is it possible while in this life to “get away” entirely from Him?

How great does He think of us too. It says in a following verse that if we were to count of His thoughts for us they would be greater than the grains that exist of sand!

What love. What compassion that He loved us so much that He also sent His son Jesus to die for us!

We should not take that punishment if there is a way out! In God there is a way and that is in Christ Jesus.

Grace is like being given a gift we did not deserve. It was given selflessly with love for men and women, that we should not die before we find that answer.

You have just been given a gift. It was paid for by Christ Jesus who died for your, mine, our sin.

Do you know how much God loves you?

Anti-Suicide Hotline: 800-273-8255

Father, I thank you for the gift of the Holy Spirit. Without being given that we would have no hope that we might see within us someday. May the reader understand that to live on their own leads to endless hardship but the way to live with joy and feel a great reason is in Christ. Father God I pray that this reader comes to the knowledge and faith that is in and through your Son. No matter what we go through You are there. Let that not be too late for this reader. May they understand that there is no religion but love from God but by the way that You made happen. Thank you for the privilege of prayer.

Note: Hope you enjoyed the debut of the new category Testimony. God bless you today!